"Ahem." The interviewer grunted. Florence and Amber were being interviewed for the start of series 2 of their sketch show: Florence and the Douch. They hadn't expected series 1 to be quite such a hit. Their name was quite passive aggressive but the content of the show was carefree and naturally funny. Young teenagers loved the show and more importantly loved the girls. They could relate to them. Florence and Amber were making fun of their past, which was these young girls present.
Florence and Amber won their first comedy award at the beginning of the year and everyone was expecting them to win a Bafta the following month. They both admitted to finding it all a bit overwhelming and they were tired from having to do interview after interview after interview. Both Florence and Amber had dreamed of doing interviews from the very first time they performed together. They wanted to be on Graham Norton and Jonathan Ross and they wanted to do photoshoots in magazines and formal interviews in newspapers. The life of comediennes and comedy actresses seemed so idyllic. They weren't stupid though, they knew it wouldn't be a walk in the park, they knew that being a 'celebrity' was really shit at times, but it didn't stop them from dreaming.
Here they were in yet another interview for a magazine they didn't even know the name of. It could be Glamour or Heat or Zoo for all they knew or possibly even cared. It's not that they were ungrateful, Florence and Amber just could not do interviews. They always seemed to go wrong. The problem became apparent in the first interview they ever had to do two years previously.
It was the week before the first episode of their sketch show was about to go out on BBC2. Their agent had told them they had to do a whole host of interviews and that perhaps they should practice some answers so that they weren't caught unawares.
"There is nothing worse than having a skeleton fly out of the closet at you during an interview" Maureen their agent said matter-of-factly. "If your skeleton gets out and you haven't discussed it, the journalist will suck that oozing blood out of your head like a starved vampire. D'you get me?" Florence and Amber looked at each other, not sure whether to laugh or cry. Amber put two fingers up to her mouth to look like fangs and hissed at Florence. They both burst into fits of giggles. Despite the laughing, they knew that Maureen was serious and that they had to know EVERYTHING about each other. Every boyfriend and pet, all the good times and bad. No stone was to be left unturned. The problem was, Florence and Amber were not the most serious of people when they were together and well, their practice run didn't go as planned.
Florence, being the more vocal of the two took the role of the interviewer - Graham Norton to be precise. They decided to do the mock interview the following day so that they had time to get their outfits sorted. It was all about getting their priorities straight for these girls. Florence decided she had to completely get into character, which meant tying up her long blonde hair into a bun and clipping a small part of it on top of her head to look a bit like a fringe. She then put on a bright blue suit with a gold shirt so she could capture the camp side of Graham. Amber also went all out. She had watched almost every Graham Norton episode there was, which meant she had seen the variety of outfits the guests came on wearing. Amber decided to go for some sequinned trousers (well, she'd always wanted them and a mock interview with your best friend is the ideal opportunity to spend £70 you don't have on a pair of trousers) with a tight black strappy top and a black fitted blazer. She was going for the Miranda Hart look, although she was only five foot five compared to Miranda's six foot one frame. On her feet she went for some black stilettos, seemingly to try and match Miranda's height to 'complete' the look. She looked good in a sophisticated, subtle, middle-class women kind of way.
They decided to conduct the interview in Amber's flat because her living room was more open, which allowed for Amber to walk in and show off to the 'audience' her perfectly planned outfit before sitting down. Florence began the 'show' by sharing a few words with the 'audience' about her favourite new comedian on the block, Amber.
Come back tomorrow for part 3 and see how their mock interview ended up with both of them rolling around on the floor in fits of giggles and how their first ever interview went from bad to catastrophically awful!